Name : Holidays 2008
Media : Acrylic on canvas
Size : 50 x 60 cm
19” x 23”
Price : 40 $

Oh, dear god, guys. I havn't been this drunk this college.

And I am trouble, or in trouble.

At this moment. my brother and his 7 best friends are all in town for his bachlor weekend. And the problem for me exists in that he has a friend who looks very much like Bowman (the name of the guy I liked so much who dated me for like, 2 months, and then just started to ignore me), and who is an artist, a computer artist, who I just... am very much attracted to for no particular reason.

A long, long time ago, some of you may remember that I was dismayed that the last kiss on my lips belonged to a guy who was determined to cheat on his fiance, his fiance who happened to be someone whom I was friends with and loved very much.

Right now, I can say that the last kiss on my lips, as of tonight, belongs to a guy who is MARRIED, who reminds me of Bowman, who is an artist, and who, in my drunken state as of tonight, I would have willingly slept with, if the Gods that be so Powerful and Merciful to me didn't intervene.

I'm glad they did. I am a good girl, down to my core, and no matter what James or anyone else may have said, in the morning, when I was sober (and too sober to write this entry), and I would have felt ashamed and confused and appalled to have slept with a married man. So tonight, in a bar, just the flirting the the kissing and stupid groping... well, these are the things that happen when one is drunk, and trying their best to attend their brother's bachlor party at strip clubs and bars because if you love him, then you love the friends that would give their life for him too, then... you have to forgive yourself too. And just go with the flow.

Tonight... will be hard. I'll have the spins. I'll desperate wish I was having sex with a married man who is DEFINATELY attracted to me. I'll be accepting that soon, perhaps in October or perhaps after the new year... be accepting that I am moving to Dallas.... but I'll be accepting that the many changes in my life will be moving me in new directions... and tomorrrow will be a new day. And I'm not sure that I'll be was willing to accept the truth in it, but if I am not, I'll write these words here for me to remember:

1) Carey - You will have moved to Dallas by March of next year.

2) Carey - You are sincerely attracted to a married man named Chris. Too bad for you. I know you, and you'll shun him and the situation once you are sober.

3) Carey - The men who call your brother a brother love him so much. And all of your worrying about being a good person in order to *deserve* the love you have your life... deserving doesn't have much to do with it. People either love you, or they don't. And the truth is... those people who love your brother? These 6 guys who are standing up to be the best men in your brother's life, and his wedding? You would do *anything* for these men. You love them and trust them because your brother does. And that's how much you love your brother. If he calls men his brother, then you are the sister to those men. Period. That is the way it works in your heart, and in your family.

4) Carey - Tonight, one of your brother's best men went on and on about how beautiful you are, and how sexy you are. You knew since flirting with him last night that you had him in your back pocket. Tonight, another one of your "brothers" told you that you would lose more weight and be "foxy." That you are, and just simply are, even at this weight, "A foxy woman." It's time to stop worrying that you are ugly, and accept that yes... men are attacted to you. Someday, you have what it takes to attact a man to you and be married. Okay? Stop fretting about it. You're an attractive girl. Stop worrying that you're ugly. You're not. This is your drunk self talking - You're fine. You're pretty. Get over it your worries that you'll die childless and alone. You won't. Period.

5) Carey - You're too drunk to go on. Go to bed. Okay?

Okay.

Name : Holidays 2008
Media : Acrylic on canvas
Size : 50 x 60 cm
19” x 23”
Price : 40 $

Name : Holidays 2008
Media : Acrylic on canvas
Size : 50 x 60 cm
19” x 23”
Price : 40 $

Name : Holidays 2008
Media : Acrylic on canvas
Size : 50 x 60 cm
19” x 23”
Price : 40 $